1. watching a fat girl try to beat up a vending machine when it did not orderly dispense her Potato Skins. she shrieked and punched the glass (more like lunged sweatily towards it) several times. I had just snatched my promptly-vended Twix from the adjoining machine and watched her from a few feet away with fascination. It was like a scary, intense, fat documentary.
2. skipping all classes but one to write an entire term paper, due at 5:00. was inside my room for almost six consecutive hours. ate almost half a 26 oz jar of Nutella with nothing but my index finger as a utensil. then, i walked to class at five. little miss grad student had sashayed down from her office ten minutes before to tape up a sign that informed the term paper-clutching mass of us that class was canceled, and that the papers wouldn't be due till next week. "Sorry," it said. oh, don't worry. no big deal. just six. hours. six hours. six hours six. hours. six. HOURS. thanks for e-mailing to let us know we wouldn't have to scrape together five pages of Art Noveau and Klimt's Golden Age. and waste six hours of a midterm week. thank you.
3. finding a hair-encrusted shaving implement this morning in the first stall, which in the past has proved to be the cleanest and most undisgusting of the four in the community bathroom. i'll probably go outside and use the hose from now on.
4. pretending i was in a Diet Coke commercial when I was drinking mine on campus, because it was windy and my hair was blowing the right way. i got a dirty look and had the sudden impulse to splash some of my can on the statue of Brigham, pour the rest all over my white t-shirt, and start war-whooping and climbing on people.