Sunday, October 19, 2008

On Blazers

Let me first say that I acknowledge and appreciate the blazer as a piece of fun, interchangeable, fashionable clothing. Let me also say that, more often than not, I am the antithesis of fashion forward on campus, or on dates, or at the grocery store, or at work. Or in general. I have been Frumpy McFrumperton as of late, because I can't keep my contacts in or find motivation to do laundry.
But. May I just digress, for one small, pinched moment, on the blazer.
I understand that everyone likes to put something on that makes them feel fashion forward. I understand the blazer's potential when it comes to finishing off an outfit, or taking its wearer from a recreational setting to a work-related one. There are quite a few beautifully crafted, very flattering light jackets out there. But, one thing I positively cannot stand is the typical date night or on-campus blazers that seem to be popping their ugly faces out all over the place now that it's getting cold. They're navy, faded black, or camel, ill-fitting, rumply, and have a jiggling three-button row on each cuff. Sadly, they've usually been purchased for upwards of eighty or a hundred dollars, are of a respectable enough brand; but, are cheaply and uniformly tailored to "fit" the masses. Which means, the jacket usually fits about one in ten people. Coughbananarepublic. I understand that a very small bit of people actually care enough about superficial things like going to a tailor, or buying less constructed pieces that are easier to look proportionately correct in. Or they just don't get that they look funny. But the tall guys with their fishy white forearms dangling out the ends of their sleeves are killing me. So are the long-torsoed girls whose boxy sea foam green (with a fake pearl pin on the lapel) blazers are chopping them off at the waist. And the midget girls wearing the same blazer who have it hanging down somewhere by their knees. And the unisex art people who are wearing the tattered blazers you know they've had for years and maybe washed once. It's like each jacket has accumulated so much body oil that they've naturally taken on the contours of their owners' shape, over time.
While the blazer is usually meant as a completion piece when it comes to an outfit, it often makes its wearer look rather confused, as if he or she got rolled around in the bottom of their closet and came out wearing something they weren't quite ready for. So, all you blazer-wearers out there, make sure you're ready to be rolled briskly around on a dust-bunny covered floor, and for what comes after it. And make sure you have relatively short arms, or be prepared for the fatty, dripping crusty you're going to get from yours truly on campus.


Sierra Robinson said...

dear Julie. Though I have not before, I may start wearing blazers on campus more often, if only if I can get a giant sized crusty from you. At least I would get to see you more often.

Sarah and Robbie said...

agreed . . . ps we missed you, girlie!!

aly said...

i am really glad i have not bought a blazer yet! :) ha

debbbb said...

i own a blazer. i got worried for a minute before rationalizing that mine's a little boy blazer and thrifted...does that make me cooler?