Sunday, August 2, 2009

Eet eet eet

Did you ever find yourself back at your home ward after almost a month of all kinds of things happening? Today that was me. Today was Fast Sunday. At church as Mormons we have one Sunday a month where we fast and where anyone who wants to can stand up at the pulpit and talk about God and why they think he's real, or nice, or sometimes they thank people in the congregation for being so nice. Usually, they do both. It's very nice and can be comical when people say weird stuff.

It sure goes by a heck of a lot faster than your standard sacrament meeting.

My last Fast Sunday was the last time I was at my ward and I had a very bad sacrament meeting. I wanted to bear my testimony but I felt stupid about it and didn't want to end up squeaking something indistinguishable and truly frightening out of my frightened and puckered mouth into the microphone in front of 200+ people. People might smirk. People get up there and say distinguished things. People also get up there and say unbelievably stupid things, but I don't want to be one of the latter. It's scary! I wore the same shoes last time I was there at church that I did today there at church. They're my favorite shoes. I believe that favorite shoes should be lucky, and these haven't proved themselves outstandingly lucky yet, but I'm still giving them a chance occasionally because when I bought them their navy blue-ness and lavender polka dotted-ness had that favorite potential. Target does that to a pair of shoes.

That Sunday in July I went outside and talked on the phone during the meeting and mushed sticks into the sidewalk cracks while sitting out there and I felt much, much better about myself and my testimony and how awesome it is for me. It was hot. It's hot today too. Since that Sunday a month ago when I stood out under that shade of one of the good-smelling trees on the side of the wardhouse I've been attending and climbing up on top of with boys and playing volleyball in for twenty years, everything has changed dramatically. Again. As it always does.
When I say "everything has changed dramatically", I don't mean everything. I still have the same favorite foods and a general dislike for parched grass and Physical Science and stale water. An extra arm hasn't sprouted out of my forehead or anything.

I mean the perspective, my perspective, has changed again. My perspective of the past. The future. What's going on right now. My opinions. My opinion of myself. My opinion of life and relationships and how much your life should interfere with your relationships.
I guess it's all part of growing up, your perspective changing. It's a Big Thing. It's hard but I like it. I like feeling different. I don't know if it's part of growing up, the fact that everything changes so dramatically.

I don't know why each blog I write (at least the good ones) is about some big dramatic thing that happened to me, and the blog talks about it forever without actually defining the dramatic thing. I know that I'm dramatic, and sometimes I think that is why change often seems dramatic. Is change dramatic for other people? For the people who don't comment in class or shout loudly in grocery stores? Nothing seems to stay the same. Does it stay the same for you? Does it stop when you're old? It seems to me that everything changes dramatically so often that I am just beginning to grow and learn from the last dramatic change when a new dramatic change comes along, and that each time, they get more dramatic and more changey. I hope I'm remembering enough from each of them.

I went to my home ward today and my mean little sister didn't let me sit next to my mom, but I got over it after feeling dramatic about it. She flicked her hair in my face about 1000 times and I refrained from smacking her. You could call that mature. I borrowed my dad's hankie (because he carries them) during the sacrament and dabbed at my face because two big fatty tears tumbled down onto my lavender polyester dress. I couldn't figure out where they came from. I smiled at my bishop when he glanced quizzically at me from the stand. Smiling is always better. I bore my testimony. You could call that dramatic. It felt good though. My legs always shake like crazy and I feel awkward because I figure my butt must be vibrating uglily directly in front of the bishopric as a result.

Go figure, I could get up at age eighteen in a ridiculous costume with my boobs hanging half out and sing a song meant for Linda Eder that was half in French to 400+ people without shaking or sweating one drop, but at a pulpit talking about saying my prayers at night, my facial muscles turn to jelly and I kind of gloooooooobssshhhhh all over the podium. It's fun.

I bore my testimony and said all the things I wanted to say (besides refraining from a shout-out to the Zs back in the first row of the cultural hall) and stomped back to my family's bench and felt terrific. Beaming.
Beaming on the inside for not puckering or indistinguishing. Maybe it was indistinguishing to some people in the room, but I felt pretty good about it. As we sang the closing hymn (God Be With You Til We Meet Again--kills me every time. It would kill you every time too. Listen to it.) I heard my piano teacher of thirteen years/good friend Sandra Thorne sitting behind me and was pleased to hear her alto line singing along sweetly belong my soprano. And I figure,
there are always those people there. Singing underneath me. And that makes me happy.

Famous blog people write questions at the end of their blogs and ask for responses, and I think, "How fun it must be for them to read all those responses and laugh and murmur and ponder deeply with a mug of tea while watching the sunset all the things people say to them"

So could you tell me one thing that has made you really spectacularly happy over the last few days/weeks/your life?

Just one thing. Even if it's like Twizzlers or something. I see that lots of people read this blog and don't leave comments--I want to know you! Not in a creepy way. So tell me one thing that you like to be happy about. If you want.


kaylie jean said...

Primary class.

There's something about those two hours every Sunday that just help me to breath, because through the eyes of a four-year-old, everything is more simple. And it's great. And I love it.

Also, I just love you. That's probably SUPER weird to say, but I love getting to know you somewhat through your writing, and the things you choose to express. Not to mention, I ADORE the way your write. It's fantastic, it's original, and it's so refreshing.

Long comment, but yeah. You're awesome. Thanks, Julie.

Liesl said...

Today I went to the singles ward, where I sat next to my brother Tyler. We joked around a little, and during the opening announcements, a friend of ours came and sat down next to me. I said to him with a completely straight face, "You can't sit there." Tyler said, "That's EXACTLY what I was going to say!" I laughed so hard I couldn't compose myself to be serious during the opening hymn.

Then my brother got up and bore his testimony on eternal families and how much it meant to him, and I realized how similar we are. I grinned the entire time he spoke. Later, after church at our "Break the Fast," we ate together and joked around like we'd been doing this all our lives.

We haven't been doing this all our lives. We should've. It's taken me so long to get a relationship like this with Tyler, but the wait and the frustrations and the prayers and the persistence has been worth it. And I'm unbelievably happy.

kendra said...

Julie, I must confess that I read and love your blog. Thanks for asking that question because I've always wanted to comment, but I chicken out every time.

One thing that made me spectacularly happy was having shaved ice with my little sister this weekend. She came into town for EFY and I haven't seen her in forever! It was great.

love kendra {Kaylie's friend}

p.s. I am the same way in fast and testimony meeting, but yesterday was different. I felt empowered like I needed to go up. Good thing too because it's been a long time and I felt so great afterwards!

Brianna Jean said...

My brother.

If you put my brother and I side by side you could tell that our personalities are definitely on two different ends of the spectrum.
People may think how do those two get along or blah blah blah.
But he is my best friend, and he laughs and I laugh and we really have a great time and he confides in me unlike anyone else and it makes me feel happy that he can trust me in such a way.

Good question Julie

tracy said...

I read your blog regularly. And P.S. I love it and think you're great.

I do the same thing in sacrament meeting. I always chicken out and then give my testimony in Relief Society or say I'll bare my testimony in the way I live my life. Both good things, but I should follow your example.

My 12-year-old brother Josh makes me happy, because he's really easy to get along with and still looks up to me, which is both flattering and makes me want to actually be the person he thinks I am.

I'm also happy that the temple is so close and that the baptistery is open for walk-ins so often.

kayla & tyler said...

this post was fabulous! I laughed out loud when you talked about how your legs shake and then you fear that your butt is jiggling right in front of the bishopbric'c faces. HAHA, I think that exact same thing too!
Something that has made me happy in recent weeks is my husband. I know that's probably a typical answer - but it's true. He is so nice to me, and with everything he does for me, I see how much he loves and cares about it and it makes me feel so good inside. he is the greatest guy and i'm the luckiest girl!
OH, and nail polish makes me happy. i believe we have that same connection with nail polish :)

sorry, that was a long ramble!

Angelica said...

The look on Weston's face when I go to get him out of his crib in the morning makes me happy. He beams from ear to ear as soon as he sees me.

Also, my sisters. They drove with the kids and I from SLC to Phoenix last week and stayed a few days. We ate chocolate and drank diet coke and saw a chick flick and laughed a lot. I love them.

laura marie said...

The fact that I went to the home ward the same week you did and I got to hear your testimony. You were the only girl besides Ruthy that I saw there.
I was happy to see you.

-emily- said...


Constance Marie said...

Yesterday, after talking to you on the phone (which made me spectacularly happy that you called me back) I fell asleep on a love sack with my boy, watching Back to the Future III, the final part of our marathon. That was happy. Then, when I woke up and he was still asleep, I snuck out to the grocery store to get him cereal and a treat. I don't know what could make me happier.

Jessica said...

Wow I love you. Seriously I teared up reading your blog and what makes everyone happy. I am dramatic as well :) And I finally bore my testimony this fast sunday as well. I get very jittery and excited when I bear my testimony and I think it scares people :)

Today I went into work to see if the new schedule was up, and sadly it wasn't. I do direct care for people with special needs, and as I walked up to one of them and said hi, he slowly reached out and grabbed my hand. He just held my hand and had the hugest grin on his face. He doesn't speak, but I felt an overwhelming sense of love from him. I just stared at that smile and realized I am one of the luckiest people in the world.

Anonymous said...

The new Regina Spektor album was pretty great for me this week. Eet eet eet.

aly said...

i would say my marriage made me pretty happy this past week! my husband is the best a girl could ask for (p.s. you were in my dream last night and long story short you died, and i am still not convinced that it isn't entirely true, so if you get this, write me a comment or something so i know that it was just a dream! merci!

Heidi said...

Any time I'm with Ash. Any time.

Also, seeing my cousins all grown up and having such beautiful children. I rejoiced in the fatness of babies last weekend.

Amesie Bell said...

Julie, it is very rare that I look at anyone's blog. Very rare. But I like your's a lot, and I like you. I think that you're a beautiful young lady and there's just something very special about you. That's just what I think.

Seeing people that I haven't seen in a long time. That makes me happy. Like seeing mission friends, or my mission president and his wife that just got back from Japan, or even knowing that I will soon see one of my best friends from my mission.

Anonymous said...

Lots of things have made me happy but if I had to pick one it would be watching my little Gracie, who is 5, play Wii MarioKart dressed in her Tinkerbell nightgown with her Chicken Little Halloween Costume from when she was 2. Her long thin arms jammed into the sleeves. The ends reaching her elbows. The hood pulled up with the red crest resting on her head with her tousled bed hair streaming around her face. That is what has made me happy today.

bulkleybunch said...

hey cute girl! you are a great BALANCE of humor and spirituality! being pregnant sure as heck doesn't doesn't make me happy but thinking it will be over in 9 weeks and 2 days does! :) also diet coke with lime from sonic at happy hour makes me happy! :)